What do you guys think about my story?
Question by : What do you guys think about my story?
“Where are you? Dinner was done twenty minutes ago. How can you disobey me? You’re just like your father, always disappointing me. Why are you out at night by yourself walking in the woods anyway? You should be here with me.” she said.
“Mom, I’ve been-” I was cut off as my phone died.
“Dang it!” I screamed. I threw the phone on the bed and stood up. I started to shake the cage violently hoping it would budge, but it didn’t. I started to break down crying. I thought about the time me and my parents went to the beach when I was 6 years old. The sun and water, It was beautiful, blue and purple waves touching my feet as the sun set. I remembered when my dad picked me up and put me on his shoulders while we went crab hunting so the crabs wouldn’t pinch me with their sharp pointy pincher’s. My hair was blonde and in pig tails, as me and momma built a sand castle on the beach. That day we went out to Pineapple Willy’s. Daddy gave my mom this pretty pink ring that was Diamond incrusted.
I was instantly shook out of my memory as the door creaked open, signaling John was on his way down here to me. I got back on the mattress and backed all the way against the wall. He walked down the stairs with what looked like another person. He got the key off the hook and unlocked the gate to my cage throwing the person in here on the mattress beside me. John locked the gate again, hung the keys back on the square looking hook, and walked straight up the squeaking stairs without a word.
“Who are you?” I asked as he sat up.
“I’m Brent Hard, who are you?”
“I’m Erin Dess. Do you know why we are here?”
“Nope, I don’t. How long have you been in here?”He asked.
“About an hour.”
“How did he get you?”
“I was walking in the woods by myself to get alittle thinking time and the next thing I know is i’m in a creppy basement that looks like a 5 year old girls room on a mattress.”
“Why would you go walking in the woods at night by yourself anyway?”
“Because i’m stupid,”I said laughing. “Nah, I’m just kiddin’ with you. I needed time to think about some of my problems. My parent’s just recently broke up.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Do you want to talk about it”
“Thanks, but I’d rather not.”
“Is there anyway out of here?” He asked as he studied the cage.
“Not that I found,” I said with a sigh. “How did you get down here?”
“I was leaving work, and I was out back waiting for my ride when he came from behind and tied my hands and feet so I couldn’t escape, then put me in his back seat and drove here. he untied me at the door up there, then put me over his shoulder and threw me in here.”
“Oh, That sounds painful, It was.”
“Oh yeah, did I mention there’s a massive cut on my side from where I ran from him and tripped on a huge rock. There was glass on the ground where I fell and it sliced my skin open.”
“Is it bad?” He asked looking alittle scared like when a kid thinks there’s a monster under the bed.
“No, Not like I might bleed to death or anything.” I said and he relaxed.
“Okay, good.”
I sat there for a minute trying to figure out why John would take Brent and me. Then it hit me. He had a daughter. He abused her and he was drunk all the time, so the daughter moved to her mom’s yet doesn’t talk to him anymore. realizeded I take her place and Brent is my play mate. It all made sense to me now.
I quickly whiched my thoughts because I heard Brent scream.
“What? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I cut myself on the cage door.”
“Oh my gosh. You scream like a little girl.” I said between laughs.
“No, I don’t. Leave me alone.” Brent said playfully. I thought again.
“Brent where do you work?”
“At the lumber company.”
“Good, so you could have a sharp obect or something in your pockets?” I asked curiously.
“Uh,” He said as the searched his pockets are found his cell phone.
That’sts good I guess. Call the police.” dialedled 911.
“Yes, Sir. My name is Brent Hard, and I’m trapped in a basement with Erin Dess, I don’t know excually where we are but please contact my parents and her parents.”
“Brent can you describe the house your in?” The policeman asked.
“All I know is that the house is blue and yellow.” He answered. The door to the basement creaked open as the kidnapper came running down the stairs. He unlocked the cage and took Brent and the cellphone out of the cage.
“What are you doing?!” He hung up the phone. The threw Breagainstist the wall,
“Brent!” I screamed as ran over to him.
“Get back in the cage!” John yelled.
“No.” I said t
This is only the middle half of the first chapter. Sorry, I’ve put the first part on here already. I’d love to hear what you think. If you want to read the first half click on my name and go to my questions. 
Please leave comments on this part of the stairs.
Best answer:
Answer by Deja
Its amazing i wish there was more to read
Add your own answer in the comments!
SPAYING/NEUTERING or NOT?!? I need EVERYONES opinion on my story.?
Question by beth: SPAYING/NEUTERING or NOT?!? I need EVERYONES opinion on my story.?
Me and my boyfriend do not live together but he stays at my apartment most of the time. I have a 4 year old lab/pointer mix whom I have had since she was just old enough to adopt from the Lewisville Humane Society. I had talked about getting a second dog after I graduate college in December. I was having a conversation with my boyfriend the other day, when he asked me about getting a second dog now. I told him i did not want to get a dog till after i graduate. (if i decide to do it then) I told him that I don’t have the time or money for a second dog right now. He informed me that he was thinking of getting the dog as “his dog” but what he was needing was for me to be ok with it, because he would need me to help him take care of it whenever he’s out of town working (which is 2-4days out of most every week). I told him any dog that lives with me will be spayed/neutered at 6 months or shortly there afterwords. He said the breeder he knows has a pure bred lab puppy and will sell it for $ 50. The only kicker is that if it is a male he has to send it back to the breeder at a certain time to “breed it” or if it is a female she has to produce a litter of puppies for him. I use to volunteer at a shelter and am all for spaying/neutering your pets. I told him this and said that if it stays here it will be spayed/neutered. He told me the reason he wants a pure bred lab is to train it to be a hunting dog. He then proceeded to tell me that if he has it spayed or neutured it will be timid around gun shots and will not be a good hunting dog. I layed into him for that comment, but the more I thought about our conversation I was wondering how someone else would have reacted or what comments others had on the statement he made. All detailed opinions (pros or cons) are welcome!
Best answer:
Answer by D.R. Brushmower
if he respects what you dedicated so much time to, he’ll find an alternative way of getting a lab. they’re very common in most areas, it shouldn’t be a huge problem. altering dogs doesn’t affect their personalities for hunting, that’s bs. however you may want to alter the dog later than you would a pet because hunting dogs need testosterone to develope good muscle. purebreds aren’t even necessary for hunting, i know of a lot of hunting dog mixes that manage great. thanks for doing your part to control you local dog population, God bless
Add your own answer in the comments!
Q&A: Does this part in my story make you want to read more?
Question by ~oO*Lex*Oo~: Does this part in my story make you want to read more?
SNEAK PEAK
SOMEWHERE IN CH. 17
I stared blankly through the window. I wanted to sleep. I wanted a bed. I wanted to go HOME. The man came in with a cup of hot cocoa. I took it solemnly from him. He smiled weakly. Arron was sitting across from me, in a chair made out of bear skin. I thought that was gross. But I smiled sickly.
“So you guys were lost in the woods?” He asked. His voice was very deep, and he seemed like the indian type.
“We were looking for the Torch Wood cave.” I explained, my voice shaking.The man raised an eyebrow.
“Do you know what kind of place that is?” He murmured. I shook me head. He sat down, too.
“Werewolves.” He whispered. I stiffened a little. But I wasn’t freaked out, compared to what had happened and what i have seen already. I saw Arron’s jaw clench. I decided to speak up.
“I’m not afraid.” I whispered, and looked at the floor. Arron snickered.
“Really?” Asked the man. I nodded.
“What’s your name?” I asked, a little louder than necessary. The man pressed his lips in a hard line.
“Sean.” I nodded again.
“Luna.”
Arron didn’t speak.
“This is my friend, Arron.” I told Sean. (Shawn).
“So are you indian?” I asked rudely, though I had no intention of being rude or sudden. He chuckled darkly.
“Something like that. There’s a whole story, a little long I warn you.”
I leaned forward eagerly. “I can keep up.” He chuckled again before speaking.
“First, Luna, you must understand that back then there were rules, too. But those rules weren’t fair.
“I came from a small pack called ‘The Krass.’ Remember what I told you about that Torch Wood place?” I nodded, deep in thought. He began again.
“Werewolves. The Krass was a werewolf pack, and I was in it. I wasn’t the leader until I was older. We hunted when we needed to hunt, and we did everything we were told. By our master of course.” Sean’s eyes flickered to me, then to the fire. “And who was your leader?” I asked, barely listening to the crackling fire that licked the air. Sean grinned.
“The werewolf king. His name was Ario. We all bowed to his rules. Back then there were evil spirits, Luna. And you need to understand that even now, where ever is good- Is evil. The Ario was a werewolf, not a spirit.Our tribe was an indian ledgend. We hunted around the world, until vampires came along. We are mortal enemies, Luna. They told us to stay off their land. So we did. But then one day, one of the werewolves in my tribe got angry, and killed a vampire. Back then, it was illegal to kill an immortal if you are an immortal as well. The tribe was punished, and half of our tribe was killed, and half of the vampires were killed. They turned to spirits, and lived with Ario. I was lucky. But ten years later, he made a law. Like a peace treaty you might say. We weren’t to ever touch a vampire again. The same the other way. But then, a vampire lashed out on me.” Sean put his fingers under his eye, where there was a long scar I hadn’t noticed. He continued.
“The Ario came, and I watched the Ario kill the vampire. Then, he told me it was my trun. I hadn’t touched him, so he let me go. Ever since then, I was the only one left in the tribe. So the tribe was therefore broken. I’m sure in Torch Wood cave there’s a new Krass Tribe though, that will take on my Tribe’s responsibilities.”
We all stared into a fire, and I had barely noticed Arron was sitting next to me now.
I had so many questions to ask Sean.
“Do the spirits kill?” I asked, in a low voice. Sean shook his head.
“Sadly, yes.” I frowned.
“Did you ever see Ario again? Or your Tribe? Or even the vampires?” I said, quickly.
Sean smiled, darkly. “I never see Ario. And the spirits of my tribe are long gone. But every now and again, I sniff a bloodsucker.” He sniffed in the air for measure, then he looked lividly at Arron. That’s when my heart sank, and I couldn’t see. “Luna!” I heard Arron call, then there was blackness.
Thats a sneak peak of my newest story Shattered. RATE AND DO YOU WANT TO READ MORE? Would you buy the book? Dont tell me the grammar mistakes, I know. But is the story good itself? I didnt copy Twilight, either. If you read the whole thing, its irratically different.
Best answer:
Answer by Summer
It seems like a great thing that you’ve got going for yourself here! I would buy it! Is Arron a vampire or something? Haha now I really want to know what happens next…..
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
New story idea, what do you think?
A woman who is a leader of an abused women organization is kidnapped by a crazed and vengeful ex-boyfriend of one of the women in the program. For months she is held inside a laboratory and injected with all sorts of chemicals that rearrange her brain somehow and change her drastically. She is basically formed into a monster. They set her free and she seeks out many many men. Of all sorts, good and bad. She mutilates them either emotionally by exploiting a secret of theirs or physically, by obviously injuring them in some way. She hates doing it. She knows she has nothing against any of those men but because of all the testing she went through, she cant control it. She doesn’t have any power over herself so she continues to go through the city and rip apart male strangers. Somewhere in the story during a time where she is going to injure an innocent man, he looks into her eyes and sees the fear behind them. He can tell something isn’t right with her besides the obvious fact she had hunted him down for no apparent reason. He manages to break through to her and tries to help her find the “scientists” who did that to her. Throughout the process they fall in love and…
Well, I haven’t decided if its going to end with her being able to reverse it or if one night she snaps back and loses all progress, killing him and then realizing what just happened possibly killing herself.
Here are the first few sentences:
Forbidden desire and anguish clawed at the crevices of her heart. Her thoughts, though astray, all consequently pooled to the same concept; I am a monster. Her blurred gaze fell over her arms, scarred from months of IV needles clinging to her veins like barnacles do to an ocean rock.
Basically, its her wanting to kill or hurt but at the same time knowing its wrong. She is very confused because she’s practically been in a coma the whole time. She is still strapped to the metal table in the lab. She looks at herself and sees all the machines and needles, etc. That first scene is before they let her go.
Oh, and I’ve titled it Lab Rat.
If it was confusing, let me clarify: She is still in a normal woman form, just her brain/DNA is all screwed up.
How can I make my story more exiting?
I have some ideas already for my novel, but suggestions are really appreciated and I also want to know your opinion if this was your prologue and novel what would you like to happen after the prologue.
Prologue:
Mikhail was sitting in his throne; it was another grey day the skies wouldn’t clear up. He sensed someone close by. It was Connor, their healer and their best warrior. “Good evening, my lord.” He bowed his voice sounding soft and velvety. His race were dying out, being hunted by those dammed humans and falling sick to some mysterious disease. No more children were being born and the few that had been born in the last millennia were dying. Their women were few and scarce. Their women were hunted by the humans and the disease had claimed many.
Somewhere in the middle of the forest, Luna looked up at the man adoringly. She kissed his cheek and smiled sweetly at him. And even though she despised him; she played that she was in love with him. He thought that she didn’t know what he was; he was wrong. His kind were the reason why she was so miserable; they’d taken everything away from her. Her family, her life, her happiness and everyone that she loved and cared for was dead. “I love you.” He said adoringly. “I know.” I said as I smiled, and grabbed the silver dagger. He heard a sound and as he turned she stabbed him from behind. “Why…?” He said gasping in pain as his body fell to the ground. “Because my dear… I’m a werewolf hunter, I hunt your kind.” I said sweetly and turned away from the dyeing werewolf.
can you answer this question and read my story?
My question is…. what did they call coins in the 1800′s in England?
Also wiill you review my story so far?
Her hands were drowned in a red substance the color of wine. It trinkled down her cheeks as she scooped the subtance and drowned it in her mouth. The once irony taste had gone away, and made a new one. She couldn’t describe it, but it was the most deliqte thing she ever tasted, almost like a drug too her. Before she had been made a new being, the scene would be sticky and considered a manslaughter… but her new brain taught her well and told her it was natrual, and infact, a good sign that she was flowing along. She remembered her old life, and how she missed it. Her once white dress was now crimson, they all did this… after hundreds of years of living as vampires, someone finnaly figured out how to get the blood out.
“You have done well,” whispered a voice in the dark corner of the room were the candles could not stretch out.
The girl only knew that the voice had to be her creators master. “Master Adon.” She stumbled to her aching feet. And bowed, though she could not see him… her eyes hadn’t adjusted, she was still in the proccess of becoming a vampire.
“Blain told me you would be here, you’re almost there, dear Constance.” He finnaly came out of the shadows. Adon did not look like dracula, or another vampire. He had a full set of dark brown hair. Though he was one of the oldest in his tribe, Adon looked about 25. His eyes looked like tar spallatered everywhere, or as is each little part of the pupil wanted to go its own way. His skin was as white as snow.
“Master Adon, what shall I have to do now to become, fully completed?” Asked Contance. She trembled with fear.
“Oh my, dear. Repeat to me what you have done already.” Constance was shaking. She knew the Master could snap at any time and break her tweasly half-human neck like a tooth pick.
“Well, umm Master Adon. I have only hunted down 1 human, and umm killed him.” She shook.
” This, young man, what was his name? Tis’ you track down his family and personal life?”
“Yes, Master. His name was, was William Johnson. He did have a wife, and a daughter.” She felt a tear fall down her cheek. “He was at the addresse Blain gave me!” She screeched as she began to bawl. Adon ran so fast to her, that he looked as if he was floating. Constance fell to her knees. He held her chin up and looked at her angrily. “Why does Blain WASTE his time hunting for pathetic humans like YOU!” He slapped her. Her cheek stung.
“Im- so sorry, m-m-master.” She whispered as she wiped off her cheeks ith the sleeve of her dress.
“Well… To inform you, you only have one more task… and that is to kill a female. You must find her yourself though. Blain must not tell you who you can go to. Tis I who will be watching you, young Constance. Choose wisely, and this time, do not waste one tear on the humans.” He kissed her cheek and let go of his fierce grip on her chin. Constance looked at the body of William. She remembered his wife, who he had told her was Mary. His daughter was Elizabeth. She had told him she had seen him on the streets begging for change, so Constance told him to come in so she could give him the extra money. The foolish man did, and now he lays on the floor with his neck bitten into. This hadn’t even been where Constance lived.
She dragged the body into a closet and cleaned up the blood with some water from the well in the back. She occasionally couldn’t help herself, as bent down and licked the extra blood. This whole time, she cried though. Of course she did, and if only Master Adon understood. She reared her head back to when her heart still beat fully.
**************************************************************************************************************
In the house of the Hilla’s, up the stairs, Consance was sitting in her room with her best friend, Abigail. They were talking about Abigails ereanged husband, Edward. “So, you have met Edward before?” Asked Consance. “Well of course! I demanded it to my mum, and she talked to Edwards mum and father about it, they agreed that we should see! It was only once for one day, of course, but I knew mum chose the ran man for me. Oh he is so handsome! He is the most handsome thing I have ever laid my eyes on!” Abigails British accent rung out, unlike Consance’s regular American. Her parents made her move to England for no reason, they just went and dragged her with them. But if it hadn’t been for that, she would have never met Anigail or James. “So, I have done all the talking, how is you’re arrangment going, I bet you’rer going to love Micheal!” Said Abigail. Concanse flinched. “Well, I have something to tell you… and its not good.” Abigail sat straither and ran her hands trough her dress. “Well… my Mother and father have arranged me and Micheal to get married… but before that, I fell in love.” Abigail gasped, “Who!” Consance frow
Does this sound like a good story to you?
There are 4 people in my story: Rok, Lan, Cose, and Ekirts. They formed a gang called the Bloodreds, on account of the red hoods that signified that they were a member. The Bloodreds somehow went from sitting in the headquarters to stealing and killing. One day, Rok proposed a plan that would have the city that they lived in crash in on itself. Ekirts realized that millions would be killed, and stole away into the night. Now Ekirts is being hunted by The Bloodreds. You find out that all of The Bloodreds have powers. Rok can command lightning. Cose can mute anything he wishes, like footsteps or voices. Lan is telekinetic. Ekirts can plant fear in the minds of any living thing, driving them to insanity or death. It’s not long before Rok finds Ekirts, and they fight. In the end, Rok is defeated by his own bolt of lightning. Meanwhile, Cose and Lan are fighting each other because of a disagreement, suddenly they find themselves growing afraid. They realize Ekirts is causing this to happen. When Ekirts becomes visible, Lan and Cose are extremely fearful. Lan loses conciousness right on the spot, while Cose dives headfirst through a window. Ekirts realizes he will no longer be pursued and feels relaxed for the first time in a long time. Then he leaves the city, knowing it will always carry the memory. After he leaves, Lan wakes up and has no idea who she is. She finds a photo in her pocket of The Bloodreds. Realizing that Cose and Rok are dead, she sets out to find Ekirts, thinking he will restore the memories she had lost. As she leaves, rain soaks the red hood she left behind.
Will you write this story with me?
It is not for a project or anything…it was just in my head and i had to get it out…now i have nothing else…but it is a pretty good read…well i really have not checked it for anything…I just wrote it.
Any Day
The sun waits at the dawn of the day to shine bright for half the world to see.
The birds sing as it makes it way upward in the sky. The trees wave in the breeze as the sun makes its path past them. The sky turns from gray to bright orange and then to blue.
As the suns rays shine brighter and brighter the people start to wake up to start the day.
Going to work, going to play, or going to school, everyone is getting ready. All the cities, towns and country sides are getting ready for their visitors.
The houses come alive with activity. The streets begin to welcome each car aboard.
A baby is born, a person dies, the grass grows, a leaf falls, and a person falls in love while another falls out of love. The sun watches it all on its journey across the skies of America.
Back yards are filled with the excitement of kids playing, people sitting, and babies walking.
Beaches are filled with people of all sizes and colors with all the toys they like to play with packed in their beach bags or thrown over their shoulders.
The forest comes alive with all the animals running, jumping, swinging, swimming, climbing and falling.
A tree falls and a sprout shoots up from the ground as the leaves fall all over the ground.
The bugs find food in the ground; the larger animals hunt smaller animals and the ants build up their houses.
What is the story in Call of Duty: 4 Modern Warfare?
I’ve beaten the game countless times but never bothered paying too much attention to the story. I swear I killed Zakheav like 3 times in the story, 2 including on the sniper mission and at the end (when your in last stand on the bridge).
Please be specific and include character names for best answer (also, including the flashback in the story would help ^^)
Can anyone give me a poem that would go good with my story?
I need a poem to go with my story See-Through Secrets: Choosing between the two.
Summary
When a ghost hunting 15 year old girl enrolls in an all boys school because of the rumors of sitings happening there, she ends up meeting the only ghost in the world that still has a soul. Between hiding her true identity as a girl and battling the paranormal her schedule is basically booked.
Prologue
No it hasn’t been edited. Any poem ideas
See-Through Secrets Prologue
It’s funny how your life flashes before your eyes before you die. That’s what my life seemed to be doing.
I see a family sitting around an old splintery wooden table eating a meal of chicken and green beans. A little girl at her first birthday party. Two children running around a playground, playing a game of tag.
The same little girl at the age of seven laughing as she blew out the candles on her birthday cake. Her little brother and blood, so much blood.
A little girl turning ten. Her dad being towed away in a stretcher, dieing the day after. Her mom’s screams in the night. The same little girl with sadder eyes, and a darker smile discovering her abilities to see ghosts. Her new need to fight them, to destroy them.
At age fifteen, she watched her cousin run to save the one he loved while she cried for him to stay. She joined an all boys school, knowing that what she despised most lived within it. Dressed as a guy and fell in love with not only her room mate, but also the ghost who she had sworn to throw into the fiery pits of hell.
Benjamin moves closer as I fell out of the past, my past. He is moving toward me. Am I really going to die? That’s the question I seem to ask myself over and over. Is this ghost, no this person who has thoughts and feelings and emotions going to kill me? Will he kill Kamar also, or will he at least let the one I risked my life for keep living.
Benjamin moves like a drunken man, mad and insane. He looks as if a prison could not even hold him in. A prison couldn’t actually, he would move right through the walls leaving a trail of destruction behind him.
Kamar had his arms woven tightly around me as our death approaches us. He wasn’t going to let me go, let me die alone. He has plans to die with me. I know he does. He plans to go down fighting for me while we both die.
Benjamin has a drunken expression cross his face as he moves infront of us. He is holding an ax in his right hand, while clutching my picture in the other. He looks upon me, no he looks at Kamar as he thrusts the ax down upon us.
My website is http://www.angelrobbins.weebly.com
